On this day, 44 years ago, my mother gave birth to me. I was about two and a half months premature. They say I was so tiny I could fit in the palm of my father's hand. I don't know much more about that cold winter day, but I do know that God saw fit for me to be here. Therefore, I will honor that. You see birthdays, for me, are not about things, but being grateful for this life, grateful for the love given to me and most of all grateful for the love I have for myself.
I am the only person on this earth who has the capacity to love me like I truly need to be loved. I didn't know that when I got married. I went in waiting for this kind of fairytale-ish love that far surpassed the love I would receive. Once I understood that the fairytale love didn't really exist. I was left with self love and marital love. At that time, I didn't separate the two, but expected both to just happen, I guess... So, I waited.
Big mistake.
Now, I believe love is present, but it doesn't evolve on its own. You start out with a fair amount of love for yourself and your significant other. Then, you have to put in the time and energy to reach the deep level of love you desire. Similar to accessing and developing a relationship with God. You work on it every single day.
You see, the love between my husband and I is not fairytale-ish, but rather sacrificial. It's not about what we give each other, but how we sacrifice for one another. It is less about paychecks and more about the stability and steadiness we provide each other so that our family can become grounded. It's about feeling like we can trust each other with our hearts knowing that it will be protected. It is commitment, knowing that we are both in for the ride no matter how bumpy the road gets. Most of all, it is a covering of each other. I cover him in ways that he needs and he covers me in ways I need him to. Many times he has covered me in places I didn't even know I needed to be covered. So, he doesn't have to give me roses to show he loves me. The roses are already planted in my heart. I am grateful for that.
On the other hand, there is a love you can get by simply honoring the life God has given you. This type of love isn't something your husband or wife can give you. Contradictory to what you believe, it is the most important love you can have. Putting yourself first isn't self-centered or arrogant either. It just means you value everything God has given you, from the tiny vellus hairs on your arms to the lungs that help you breathe. It means you are not watching your life as a movie and simply waiting to see how it ends, but instead, you are playing the leading role in your life. You ask for what you want, unapologetically. You take good care of your body. You respect yourself so that others will follow suit. You dream because you can. You look for purpose. You love you.
Once I became clear and separated these two types of love, I could devote time to them. Here is what I learned:
1. You attract what you hand out. If you want to be loved, love yourself first.
2. The love that you are looking for is not a thing, it is a feeling. Listen to your feelings.
3. Love yourself enough to make your own dreams come true. Don't wait for anyone to do that for you.
4. Until you see yourself as the person you were created to be, in God's image, you will never reach your full potential.
5. If you feel like you've lost what you loved, think again. Nothing is ever promised. Be thankful for having loved at all. Life is filled with new ways to love again.
6. Whenever you question whether or not it's love, read 1 Corinthians 13:1.
Each person is unique when it come to what love is because their definition of love is defined by childhood and life experiences. The truth is you may never be loved by someone else like you think you need to be, so it's always best to love yourself in the meantime.
So, on my birthday, it's just that. The day my mother gave birth to me.
Now, that's birthday love.
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Teresa H. Snipes
Life Coach & Strategist
Founder of WatchMyFeet.org
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